feeling Lent-y

Oh hey, blog.

I usually don't like using my blogs as a sort of journal to let the world know what I think or how I've been doing, but I'm in a great mood right now and I feel like telling everyone about it!

Except that's basically all there is to say... I'm happy, yayyy.

Well, as you probably know, this has been the first week of Lent. I broke a few rules already, but for the most part I'm doing great. This time of year has always been a little rough for me (post-Christmas, pre-warm weather), and I'm grateful that Lent is stuck right in the middle of all that. I used to look at Lent as a bother, an inconvenience, mainly because my father made me do it. But now that I'm a little older and realize what Lent is supposed to be, I'm happy to observe it. THANKFUL for it, even.

You might not know this (who am I kidding? of course you know this...), but I've had a mean case of the blues lately. And by lately, I mean for the past six months or so... And it's mostly my own fault because I consciously decided to turn my back on the few (oh, so few) things I was sure about in my life. And, as with so many things, it was all downhill from there...

BUT! I've decided that from henceforth I will stop being so stubborn in that way. I'm going to drift along in the flow of the Universe because I realize now that fighting the current is getting me NO WHERE. I understand more clearly now that my life story and the history of the world have been written by the same hand*. How silly, then, to try and defer from the plan that has been made for me. There really is nothing for me but to follow.

Look at that. Four days into Lent, and I'm already making life changes.

That's how it goes every year. I guess it was a little harder this time around because I really was intent on going through with all the horrible things I had planned. But no matter. That future has been absorbed in my resolve to do good. Granted, my version of good may be different from your version of good. But I promise, dear reader, that I will do my utmost from now on to create my personal harmony with that undefined Great Perhaps**. And I really think I can do it this time. Or at least keep it up longer than ever before.

Okay, maybe I haven't made the connection to Lent very clear... Every year I give up something (sweets, this time), but I also devote a lot of time and effort to creating a new habit for those 40 days. Last year it was reading a General Conference talk every day. The year before that it was writing in my journal. This year is a little simpler. This year for Lent I promise to read my scriptures and say my personal prayers every day. Granted, I know those are things that I ought to be doing anyway, but the truth is I haven't done either of those things for about six months (make any connections there?). Consciously, even. I didn't do it because... well, a lot of reasons that I don't feel like going into right now. But the important thing is that I've decided to bring it back. I've only been doing it for a few days, and I already feel exponentially better. I'm pretty sure this is where my resolve to do good is coming from. I kind of feel like an idiot for letting things get so out of hand for so long, but I think I've got it in me to keep up the good work from now on.

So anyways, there's that. I always feel better about my life during Lent, and this year is no exception. Life is happiness, indeed***.

*credit for that one goes to Paulo Coehlo (The Alchemist)
** reference to the "Great Perhaps" comes from Francois Rabelais.
*** A line from Leonard Bernstein's stage adaptation of Voltaire's Candide.