Hey, look what I found!

The following are two blogs that I found from my high school days. I don't remember writing them. It was years ago that I wrote all this, but it's surprising how much these same words could be said of my life the way it is right now.





Title: Remember
Current mood: peaceful
I've always had a pretty good memory for seemingly unimportant things. I remember what car my 7th grade social studies teacher drove, the design on my aunt's front door knob, how much it costs for a bag of cotton balls... completely insubstantial and of no real consequence. It makes sense that I would remember little things about each of you: your birthday, how you like your eggs, how you responded to a question I asked you... I'm not stalking you, I promise; I just remember. I don't know how many times someone has asked me, "how do you remember that, Michaela?" in response to a comment that seems a little more detailed than the average memory would allow one to retain. I never really knew what to say other than "well, I just remember stuff like that." I used to think it carried over from my "remembers everything that I don't need to know" memory, but after some soul-searching, I've figured out the REAL reason:


* I care about you.


Doesn't that make more sense? I honestly and genuinely care about you. I remember your birthday because you're my friend; I know how you like your eggs because I think you're interesting; I recall our conversations because I like talking to you. I don't just pick things out of the air to recall about everyday situations; I actually care about you. Sure, I still have a knack for remembering random stuff, but that doesn't take away from the fact that you mean a lot to me.


It's sad that it's taken me so long to discover this about myself. I truly feel daft for never having taken the time to realize why I'm so observant and cognizant of the people around me. I apologize for letting myself ignore how much I care about you. Above all things, I apologize for never telling you how much you mean to me. I hope I can take immediate steps to fix whatever it is I've done to our relationship by withholding my feelings from you. To all within range of my voice (or wi-fi connection, rather), I proclaim my great affection for you. You're amazing, and you ought to know it. I promise to make you feel special someday soon; you deserve it.


* NOTE TO READER: (Just to be sure, "I care about you" does not equal "I like/am stalking you;" I may be fond of you in some way, but that's the end of that. NO CREEPY BUSINESS.)






Title: Wish
Current mood: calm
I wish I could remember everything. I wish I had known better. I wish I had just let it happen. I wish I didn't have to. I wish I knew your secret. I wish I had said yes. I wish I had an "easy" button. I wish I could explain myself. I wish we had started sooner. I wish I could make you understand. I wish I'd saved up for this. I wish I hadn't hesitated. I wish I'd paid attention. I wish I knew why. I wish I had stood my ground. I wish we'd had the same idea. I wish I had been there for you. I wish I had figured it out by myself. I wish I had read the directions. I wish I'd invited you. I wish we had more time. I wish I wasn't so scared. I wish our plans hadn't fallen through. I wish that day had never ended. I wish I had made my own decision. I wish I had poured my heart out to you. I wish I'd been there for you. I wish I had thought about what I had to lose. I wish I wasn't so bitter. I wish I had something important to tell you. I wish I knew how to say it. I wish I was more like you. I wish I could take you with me. I wish I could come back whenever you need me. I wish you knew how I felt without me having to tell you. I wish I could honestly say "I'll see you later." I wish the period at the end of our sentence could be an ellipsis…

I wish you were here.

FAIL [and a quick recap]

I fail at blogging. I remember thinking that I would be pretty much the best blogger ever and that I would post something at least once a week. And, um... my last post was in March. FAIL.

I've pretty much lived an entire lifetime since then, and I can't believe I've been so selfish as to not even attempt to share that with the world via blog. In the past four months, I've experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows of my life...

I finished the first installment of my BYU career; that in itself is full of blog-worthy material! I went on a road trip to California. I could basically make a whole new blog talking only about the fun I had and the things I learned on that trip. My best friend and I went on a mini-road trip to visit another dear friend who lived in Oregon, and then he got to come up and visit us. I've spent time in Salt Lake City, San Diego, Los Angeles, Seattle, Portland, and so many more amazing and glorious places. Those were some of the best times of my life. HANDS DOWN.

There have also been not-so-amazing moments. I had to sever relationships with people who don't deserve my company; that's never a pleasant experience. I said goodbye to friends (nay, FAMILY) to whom I never thought I'd grow so close. The friends I made at BYU were the best. Better than the best! I don't know what I did to deserve such great friends who loved me more than I could understand at the time. Even harder than saying goodbye to the friends from BYU was saying goodbye to the one friend who encouraged me to get there in the first place. Sending my best friend on a mission was (and in many ways still is) one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, not simply because I miss him but because he's not here to console me, as he has been for the entirety of our relationship. Little by little, that circle of friends that seemed to form itself around me while I wasn't paying attention has started to break apart. I still tear up to think that the soonest we can be together again is in the year 2011; that seems like such an unattainable destination. I can only hope that my life, as well as theirs, will continue to grow and benefit from the time we spent together, and when the time finally comes when we can reunite, we can do so as better versions of the people we were when we first found each other.

Oh my, that turned into a much different post than I originally planned. But I suppose that's a good thing. I guess a blog is much like a lazy poet's excuse for a journal, and I, being the laziest of poets, could definitely benefit from a good blog post or two...

[more to come...]

006. RAINBOW CAKE.

Last night was one of the most amazing nights of my adult life and DEFINITELY one of the most memorable. Not because it was an especially unique evening, necessarily...

It was amazing because last night,
I. made. a. RAINBOW CAKE.*

And not just the kind that you buy in a box from the store. Oh no, this was a legit, food-colored, swirly, bright, delicious RAINBOW CAKE!



Check it...


Don't even try to tell me that this cake isn't the friggin' most fantastic cake you've ever seen in your life because I'm pretty sure it is. I mean, look at all that color! I almost want to cry it makes me so happy that such a cake actually existed at one point in time. I think I can die happy knowing that I created something so wonderfully RAINBOW and that so many people were able to appreciate (aka devour) it.



Ooh, life is grand. :)



*In case you don't already know, rainbows are my absolute FAVORITE thing in the world. More than a pair of Converse All-Stars. More than the Symphony chocolate bars with the blue writing on the wrapper. More than Rio de Janeiro, Brazil during Carnival season. I love rainbows with a blind determinism rarely seen this side of the 21st century. And I love it!
[DON'T YOU JUDGE ME.]

005. O Sancta Simplicitas!

I think Aristotle was right when he taught that the world functions in an equilibrium. There are no extremes in the perfect life; just one, big, happy medium. I've never been able to apply a philosophical theory to my life more than I have in the past three weeks...

Week 001. MIDTERMS WEEK:

I was a study robot the entire week. I spent every spare moment in the library, and I skipped out on every non-crucial commitment I'd made. I wrote three papers (for a total of 14 pages) in the space of two days; I studied for and took six midterms before Thursday; I ate only if/when my computer crashed and I had to restart it. I worked so hard that, for the first time, I actually lost myself in my studies. And even though I pretty much wasted my whole life in the library that week, I was so happy! I enjoyed getting everything done and being able to check things off of my To Do List. It was an amazing sensation. And when Friday finally came, I knew I'd earned the right to enjoy myself over the weekend. And a three-day weekend, too! What a great reward for my hard work ^_^

Week 002. WORST. WEEK. EVER.

After a week of studying and taking tests non-stop, I thought I'd be a little more diligent when it came to school. But no. All I did over the course of the week was sleep. Other than Tuesday, there wasn't a day that I woke up before noon. I know that it was probably necessary to catch up on sleep after working so hard, but seriously... over the course of the three day weekend, I'd gotten over 30 hours of sleep. It was NOT necessary for me to skip all of my classes. Neither was it imperative that I stay cooped up in my apartment on Facebook until I had to go to work everyday. I felt like a lazy, non-contributing zero that whole week. Even the weekend was an uneventful disappointment.

Week 003. THE HAPPY MEDIUM.

This week has been among the most amazing weeks in my adult life. And it's not even over yet! I think I've discovered the appropriate balance between hard work and play time. I've gotten all of my homework done; I'm planning ahead for papers that are due in a week or so; I didn't even fall asleep in Astronomy today! Work has been great, too; Riley (the evil Student Manager) has seemed a little less Nazi-ish the past few days, and my co-workers have been pleasantly chipper all this week. I don't know exactly what triggered the change, but I'm so glad that it did.

My life is so beautiful right now.







oh&btw...

Highlight of my week: LOVE YOU LONG TIME
These guys put on the greatest freakin' show. I got to see them in concert on Tuesday. Probably the best show I've ever been to, NO JOKE. I loved it so much. I'll definitely jump at any opportunity to see them again. Maybe MC Oz will freestyle

about me next time... ^_^

004. My Bucket List

Attend a temple open house.
Break my addiction to Facebook.
Build up a basic piano proficiency.
Buy a house.
Do something nice for someone for no reason at all.
Earn a million dollars.
Express my true appreciation for members of the Armed Forces.
Fall in love.
Fill up a journal.
Find buried treasure.
Fly in a hot air balloon.
Fully understand the American political system.
Get a Bachelor's Degree from an American university.
Get completely lost and find my way back home.
Get in tune with my heritage.
Get married in the temple.
Go dumpster diving and actually make use of the spoils.
Go on a Halloween zombie walk.
Go on a road trip.
Go rainbow chasing.
Go sky diving.
Go surfing.
Go to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil for Carnival season.
Have a dream and make it come true.
Keep a dream diary.
Learn a foreign language.
Learn how to fully express myself.
Learn to cook.
Learn most of the Primary songs.
Make a college scrapbook.
Make something and give it away.
Make sure my dad knows how much I appreciate him.
Meet someone in a café.
Nurture something until it reaches its full potential.
Overcome my ichthyophobia.
Plant and manage a beautiful garden.
Play mvt. II from Still's Suite for Violin and Piano.
Read all the books on my book list (50 and counting).
Save someone's life.
See a show on Broadway.
Sock mop the kitchen floor.
Spend a day all by myself.
Study abroad.
Take up painting as a hobby.
Visit all 50 states.
Watch the Super Bowl from the stands, dressed up for my favorite team.

003. College

In all honesty, my college life consists of little more than random study sessions in the library, long hours on Facebook & Stumble, and Friday nights at the bakery; whatever else I can afford to squeeze into my day is a pleasant bonus...

← Brigham Young University
This is where I live, learn, work, and basically spend every moment of my life. I came here to study music, but after much thought and deliberation, I've decided to major in linguistics instead. Rewind one year, and I'd say you're crazy to think I'd ever go to BYU. But here I am, and I love it. I've learned so much already, and I can't wait to see what else waits for me here :)

That's Pica.→
Pica is my Japanese Exchange Student. Well, actually, she's my roommate. We really get along very well, and we share many of the same tendencies. We have a lot in common, and we're able to accept all those silly things that we don't have in common. Pica and I often stay up till the early morning talking about super powers and gospel topics. And then we sleep in till dinner time. That basically describes our life together. What more can I say? We're pretty rad, I know.

← This one is Katherine.
Katherine is one of my apartment buddies; we share a wall. I don't think I'd laugh half as much as I do if I didn't know her. She's basically the funniest, silliest lady I've ever had the good fortune of meeting. She usually comes into my room unannounced and unexpectedly, and she loves to vent her life to me. This works well for me because I'm basically a listening machine. Trouble is I usually don't know what to say after she's done, and I end up making scared faces at her, to which she apologizes and leaves the room. It's a common occurrence, and we've therein developed a pattern of communication by which we're both pleased to abide.

He's Jarrod.→
Jarrod was basically the only person I really knew when I came to Utah. We were good friends back home in Washington, and I think we've only become better friends since we got to college. I don't see him much during the week, but we usually get to spend the weekend together, having wild and crazy adventures all over Provo. Jarrod has introduced me to roughly half of my current entourage, and for that (among other things) I cannot thank him enough.

Though I'm enjoying myself so much more than I could have ever anticipated, I fear that I am suffering from an acute bout of Premature Senioritis. Maybe it will cure itself over the spring/summer when I go back to Washington, but as for right now, I am seriously tempted to drop out of school and run away to New York City. Now, there's no need to send me an angry "DON'T DO IT!" text as soon as you read this; I'm 99.238492389% sure that I'm going to stay in school until I get that degree. I'm just very anxious about the future.
Aren't we all?

Anyway, even though I'm a little confused right now, I'm pretty much having the time of my life. I know I'm not the same person that I was when I first came here in August, and I'm SO thankful for the changes that have been wrought in my life since my attendance at BYU began. Anything I say from now on could only expand upon that point...

LONG STORY SHORT:
LOVES IT.

002. Confessions of a Blog-Virgin

I've never blogged before, and I don't really know what I'm doing. I think it's supposed to go something like this...

My name is Michaela, and I tend to get a little random... I was born in Seattle, and I lived about 30 minutes from downtown my entire life. I have an indescribable adoration for rainbows and an unnecessarily intense fear of fish. I love doing things that I've never done before, which might explain why my "bucket" list is so extensive. I played the violin in high school, and I really don't want to lose my passion for it, though I find myself doing exactly that. The item in my possession to which I have given the most sentimental value is a The Flea stuffed animal that I sleep with every night. I named my plant Beanstalk, and I water him whenever his branches start to droop; I hope I can keep him alive at least until I graduate from college. When I speak, my grammar isn't that great, but when I write, I like it to be perfect. (Note the absence of all dangling modifiers in this paragraph.) My ethnicity is a pretty healthy mix of European (mostly Dutch) and Polynesian (mostly Maori). I want to say something profound with my dying breath; hopefully someone will be by my death bed with a pen and paper to write it down. I'm utterly enamored by phonetics, politics, and philosophy. I enjoy exploring the edges of my comfort zone and beyond. I've recently taken to napping in public. I don't often tell people what I want to tell them, even though it usually kills me to keep my mouth shut; I kind of have a problem letting people know how I feel about things. I love going to the salon and treating myself to a spa day; I only wish I had the means to fund such an indulgence every now and then. I want to travel to everywhere there is to go, learn about everything there is to know, and attempt to do everything there is to do. And I want to be on the PTA when I grow up.

THEE END.